Recently I was asked “What do I do when my boss asks me to be friends with me on Facebook…and I don’t want to?”
Tough question that’s bound to come up more and more frequently as Facebook closes in on 400 million users. You could insert your parents, your ex-wife, your crazy Uncle Ned, whomever that you don’t want to be friends with on Facebook.
First, I’d ask yourself why you don’t want to be friends with your boss. If it’s because you don’t want your boss to see what you do on Facebook, my best advice is simple: If you don’t want people to see you doing dumb stuff, don’t do dumb stuff!
OK, so for some, it’s too late. The dumb stuff is already out there, and you really don’t want your boss to see it.
Or maybe you just don’t like your boss.
Or maybe it’s some other reason altogether.
What do you do when your boss asks you to “be friends” on Facebook and you don’t want to be friends?
Double check your privacy settings – Make sure friends of friends can’t see anything on your profile, especially pictures. This is where many folks are most embarrassed to show their boss. Make sure your wall is secure, and, if you’re really paranoid, make sure only your friends can send you a message via Facebook.
Look to see who your friends in common are – Does your boss have many work friends, is she just getting started on Facebook and doesn’t know who else to friend or are you just part of an extended network of folks that your boss things it’s polite to ask. It’s good to know who your friends are
Just say no – Be polite and let your boss know you don’t want to cross the manager/employee line, and that you’d like to respect her space and not be her Facebook friend.
Be consistent – If your boss’s boss asks you to be his friend on Facebook, you need to be consistent and say no to him too.
Bonus tip for Managers and Supervisors
Avoid this uncomfortable situation altogether by not friending anyone who is in your direct reporting structure.
What’s your advice for someone in this difficult predicament?
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
I like your suggestion about not crossing the manager/employee line. It respects everyone’s right to have discussions that they may not have at work.
An alternative is to offer to be connected on LinkedIn if that has not been done already. IMO it makes more sense, anyway, since that is a professional setting and the activity there is more pertinent to the type of relationship that this person seems to have with his/her boss.
Good suggestion Melissa. Redirect to a more appropriate venue.
This is a great post, Phil. What makes this great is its Relevance and Completeness.
It is Relevant because – if the advent of computers and internet made this world a smaller place, the advent of Social Media has made the world a tiny place. Your post captures the essence of this tiny-ness and this is obviously not only an issue with FB, it spans the various channels of Social Media.
It is Complete because – You have (quite bluntly, if I may) driven home the point with “If you don’t want people to see you doing dumb stuff, don’t do dumb stuff!” In addition to that, you offer practical advice in the rest of your post.
As for me, the best advice I can dole out is “Don’t do dumb stuff and if you have already done it, be so good at what you do that your boss would rather ignore it even if he sees/knows of it … because you are too valuable to him/her”.
Himanshu – So glad you enjoyed the post.
and I love your suggestion “Be so good at what you do that your boss would rather ignore it…” That’s good advice even if you DON’T do dumb stuff
the best point for me is seeing if they have many workmates in common. If not then it should be safe to say no. It’s so frustrating I think facebook should get a feature where you can just say “No and I want my account to appear frozen to this person from now on” as in my picture never changes.
Very interesting suggestion Richard. I like it!
One option is to set up two accounts. A personal one and a business one. That way the boss can be connected (and you don’t have to reject him), but then you have another one where you can be your silly self.
I do think it is funny when someone allows all their game playing to be completely public. Constant updates from “Farmville” doesn’t really add to business credibility.
Another option is to put your Boss on a limited profile. This goes hand in hand with the privacy settings Phil mentioned in the post. You can set the level of visibility of your profile such that people on the limited profile can only view what you enable them to view. Photo albums, comments and personal info can be setup for their intended audience.
I know a few of my “friends” on FB who have placed me on a limited profile. It definitely makes me feel less special, but then I turn around and do the same to them. So we’re even!
Darran – If you’re consistent in who you put on the limited profile, I think it can work very well.
If you’re inconsistent, then you’re right…you do feel far less special.
Good reading, Phil! You make a lot of sense, especially about being consistent in either friending or not friending management and co-workers. I wonder, though, if this isn’t a generational issue, and maybe younger workers don’t see it the same way as old fogeys like I do? You inspired me to write a blog post about it, citing yours as the jumping off point. http://budurl.com/kf92
Thanks for starting the ball rolling!
Is this generational? Interesting thought. I’m curious what folks think. Stopping by now….
My view is this: If I’m not on friendly terms with my boss, if I can’t trust him or her to hold me in that regard, I’m working for the wrong boss. Plus, if I’m doing things with my Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn profiles that would jeopardize my career, I’m in the wrong profession or I need to clean up my act.
My personal policy is to live transparently and to assume that every track and trail I leave online will be evidence that can be used against me in ways I cannot predict — because it can be and quite possibly will be. So, by assuming that all my online transactions are transparent and will live beyond my control, I try to temper my online interactions and behaviors so that they don’t jeopardize me personally or professionally. Because, in the end, there’s no difference between my personal life and my professional life. How I behave in *any* online transaction reflects on *me* without regard to arbitrary personal/professional distinctions.
So, I’m proactive. I friend my bosses and invite them into my “personal” online sphere of life. After all, it works both ways. I get to see into their online activities as well.
And I can just as easily fire them as a boss as they can fire me. If my boss doesn’t want a jerk working for them, I certainly don’t want to work for a jerk. The more we know, the more empowered we are.
The challenge is to work to overcome the innate nature of the shallowness and impersonality of online interactions. As long as I keep in mind that all my online work has offline consequences, it helps me keep my nose clean.
And, yes, my online life has prevented me from gaining employment at at least one job, perhaps others (due to my overt religious views revealed in my blog). But I view that as a good thing, because that would have ultimately interfered with my job satisfaction.
Regards,
Rich
BlogRodent
Love your attitude Rich. Need to think about your thoughts a little more and structure a coherent response, and possibly pull this out as an article.
Many thanks for stopping by!
I’ve recently been thinking about this as I work to develop a personal brand and start networking. My facebook account is chock full of personal friends and family, but some business contacts have snuck through. I really don’t do anything I would be embarrassed about on facebook, but I also don’t want to spam personal friends and family with my business related nonsense.
Like Laura’s, my solution is to create a second facebook account. I’ll be putting it together shortly under my full name, versus my shortened name. Then, I’ll add all my business / professional contacts to that one. I think this will work out well for me and allow me to deliver a better, more professional message to the right people..
My boss tried to ‘friend’ me today. She’s constantly been giving me grief about stuff but then acts like nothing ever happened. I don’t want her on FB not only because of her treatment of me but because she’s too much up in my business and the internet should be ONE place I can escape!