Note from Phil: What follows is a guest post from Dr. David Fraser, with a topic near and dear to my heart: Information overload and find relief from it it. Perfect thoughts to put into practice for the last month of the year and beyond! I’d also encourage you to pick up his book (linked at the end) to find out how to master what REALLY matters.

The email inbox just gets bigger, even after the filtering rules have done their work. The paper in-tray still stacks up dauntingly too. And that’s not to mention all the other channels: LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook, Skype text chat, SMS messages on cell phones, and StumbleUpon to mention only some. Oh I nearly forgot Google+. And then there’s Facebook’s LinkedIn “me too”, otherwise known as Branchout.

Ever feel you’re caught in the middle of a communication arms race?

To escape “information overload” once and for all, we need to change the way we look at the problem. Various practical techniques all help, though only for a while; only until the next wave of technology swamps us again. We can swim faster in various practical ways—unsubscribing from lists, setting up rules and so on. They’ll all make a difference, but the trouble is the flow of information will just keep accelerating. It’s bound to: We’re caught up in an endless clamor between channels for our involvement.

To truly get relief from this, we need to look at ourselves more than at our inbox…

First of all, we talk about “information overload,” and that’s part of the problem. The language matters because, with these words, we program ourselves to react to the problem in a particular, and not very helpful, way. We make ourselves a victim of information, and the trouble with that is we’re disempowered from doing anything about our problem. After all, we can’t do anything if we’re a victim, can we, because the power lies elsewhere?

The thing is…

We’re not really suffering from information overload. We’re suffering from attention overload. After all, the information exists whether we chose to have it in our inbox or not.

Here’s an analogy: You can’t make every dollar there is to be made on a stock market. The universe of companies is just too large. You can only hope to focus on a few profitable opportunities. Well it’s the same with information, you can’t consume every piece of information there is in the world. It’s just not possible.

I know that’s hard to take; it really is, but you’ll get over it.

Getting over it is hard, because we’re biologically set-up to want completeness, or “closure” in that over-used word. The way forward though is to get used to open-endedness, and enjoy the word “enough.” A way of giving yourself this learning is to do the exact opposite of much practical advice and instead sign up for lots of information, definitely more than you can read. Then you’ll have to learn to let go of your need for completeness.

The truth is…

We decide what we pay attention to. Nobody else is inside our head. Maybe the boss or the client has some control over us, but we can still make choices about what information we use in servicing that person’s request.

We tend to pay more attention to a piece of low value information that happens to be on our screen than we do to a piece of high value information that isn’t in front of us at all. Sometimes, we would be better to ignore everything at hand and look for something else out there that’s actually more relevant.

So think of allocating your time and attention, instead of letting your inbox allocate you.

And second of all

Information flow is a manifestation of a relationship of some kind. Take that relationship to a deeper, more trusting, more profound level and you don’t need to handle so much data. Less needs to be said, and the relationship lives whether we’re communicating or not. The details become unimportant and fall into place much more easily—or can be set aside altogether.

In an age of information, trust is an absolute. You don’t “partly trust” people; you either trust them or you don’t. So decide which it is. You know the kind of relationship, I’m talking about: The type where you just pick up where you left off, even though you haven’t interacted for a while. Give yourself permission to go with your intuition on this, and that works at least as well on-line as off-line.

Be deliberate

Take each relationship to the point where you’ve decided you trust the other person and are confident it’s a two-way thing, or have decided that’s not going to happen, in which case, drop it. From time-to-time, you’ll need to revisit these decisions, but you’ll get most of them right. The key thing is, don’t persist with a relationship when the trust isn’t there. That’ll do your information overload no good at all. Build trust as quickly as you can. If instead, you head in the opposite direction away from trust, you’ll need every information-handling trick you can find.

Take the relationships you decide to maintain to a deeper level. How? Just by finding out what matters to the other person (or organization) and respecting that sincerely. And how do you do that? It’s as simple as asking “what’s important to you about…?” and then you know something of the person’s values, and when you know someone’s values, you have a shorthand. You can relate to them in a much more time-efficient way. You can skip much of the detail.

3 ways to find lasting relief from information overload

1. Change your language and think instead about what you’re attending to. Work on your focus. Ditch or ignore what doesn’t fit. Let it wash by. You’re only seeing a tiny proportion of the total anyway and what does it matter which fraction you ignore?

2. Make trust an absolute and move on if it isn’t there.

3. Take your relationships to a deeper level quickly, and run them in a high value, even profound way.

Then it won’t matter if you miss an email.

About the author: David Fraser, PhD, is a leading authority on relationship skills in professional and personal life. He is a business owner, chartered engineer, certified mediator, NLP master practitioner and trainer, and family man. He is the author of the very practical book Relationship Mastery: A Business Professional’s Guide.

Recently I finished the book Relationships Made Easy for the Business Professional by Dr. David Fraser, and I was pleasantly surprised at how much about relationships I learned. I enjoyed the book greatly, and I’ll tell you why if you keep reading.

Let’s start with the cover:

The cover of the book is super fun, with a whole bunch of smiling stress balls staring at you. Honestly, that’s the reason I agreed to take this as a review book: it looked like something fun to read and that could de-stress my life. Only after agreeing did I realize the book was about relationships, not about stress and being more happy, though honestly, after reading this book, I am more happy. I love people, and any book that can teach me to be better with people is a book that can make me happy. This is just such a book.

Book layout: 

One of the best things about this book is the simple and helpful way the chapters are laid out. First, Dr. Fraser put together 12 excellent focus areas that can help anyone build better business relationships:

(1) Attention to others;

(2) Attitude;

(3) Self-control;

(4) Tuning in to people;

(5) Personality;

(6) Connection;

(7) Values – working with what matters;

(8) Language;

(9) Self-awareness;

(10) Attention to yourself – clarifying what you really want;

(11) Balance;

(12) Love – the power of care.

Chapter layout:

Each chapter has a section called “From the example file” that is either something from Dr. Fraser’s life, or from someone else Dr. Fraser encountered. I love that the author shared his personal journey towards better relationships. I could see myself in many of his stories, though he handled things much more masterfully than I did.

Then there is a section in each chapter called “Steps to take” that helps you put the focus into practice. Super helpful as I often find myself asking “Great tip, but how do I apply this to my life.” This book answers that question and more!

Last but not least, this book is only $2.99 on the Amazon Kindle. Less than $3 to improve your business relationships in a practical way, making the people around you happier, and ultimately making YOU happier!

Recommendation from Phil:

Pick up a copy of Relationships Made Easy for the Business Professional and pick up a few new tools to help you make your world a greater place!

No matter how many people you have in your network, it’s doubtful you’re working it as effectively as you can. I’ve developed a plan for working my network, and I gladly share it with you in hopes of helping you be a more-effective networker.

I recommend separating contacts every quarter into 4 numbered piles:

Here’s how I decide who goes in what pile:

80 - 80% will be people you barely know and others who you are unlikely to help, and who are unlikely to help you with what you need. As this is the largest number, it will also be your largest pile. Unless these the folks call me in the next 3 months, they will probably be move to the 0 pile. I try to contact them once in a while myself, but my expectations for anything happening are REALLY low.

Contact frequency: Every 6 months

19 - 19% of your contacts are good folks that you’ll help when you can, and who will help you if they can…if you ask. If you treat these folks right, they could make it into the 1% pile. You may want to send a handwritten note to these folks in hopes of rekindling the spark that was originally in the relationship, which could prompt moving them to the next pile.

Contact frequency: Every 5-7 weeks, or 2-3 touches a quarter.

1 - 1%. These are the best people in your network and are rare, perhaps as low as 1% of your contacts. These are people that help your business in any way they can. They’re the folks you call when you need help, and often, they call you when you need help before you know you need it. Take GREAT care of these folks and try to touch them often. Send them an e-mail, give them a call, leave a voicemail, whatever. Get in front of them!

Contact frequency: Every 3 weeks or more if relevant.

0 - Last is the 0 pile, zero meaning how much energy I recommend spending on these people. These are folks you know, but you haven’t talked to them in over 3 months. You may talk to them in the future, but you’re going to invest 0% of your mind space on them. Life is too busy to waste on the ones who fall into this pile. This pile may grow over time, and you may want to think about an annual email to catch up with them and see if they have any interest in what you are doing now.

Contact frequency: Annually, just to make sure you don’t lose them completely.

You can move folks between these piles as often as you wish. I recommend reviewing things quarterly at a maximum and annually at a minimum. If you’re not weeding through your network, you’re not feeding those that need to be fed, which means YOU’RE not eating enough either. Invest your time wisely, as it is the only finite resource you have to invest in your business.

Do you network by the numbers, or do you have some other solution in place? I’d love to hear if this is a workable system for you or if you have something else you use that works better for you.

Numbers in the orange by Leonid Mamchenkov

While I love social media to network online (favorites include LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter), I love even more networking offline. Networking offline allows me to deeped the connections I have, and create more new ones, faster and more effectively.

I’m an extrovert, and I get super energized when I get to hang with others who share their energy with me. I recognize not everyone is that way, but if you’re willing to step beyond your introversion and be a little bit out there, this article can help you network offline.

5 Simple Ways to Network Offline

Attend conferences – Going to a conference is a great way to find people who share an interest with you. Recently, I’ve attended the HDI Annual Conference and connected with almost 2000 passionate, dedicated help desk and service desk professionals. The first weekend of May I’ll be attending SOBCon in Chicago with 150 or so folks who are passionate about online publishing and blogging for business, something I want to learn a LOT more about. Another great type of conference is the “camp style” conference. Check out PhotoCamp Milwaukee for more about these types of conferences.

Send out notes and postcards – Quick questions: How many handwritten notes do you get in your mailbox every day? How about every week? OK, every year? My answer: NOT ENOUGH! I love to get handwritten notes and I’d bet you do too. So how many did you SEND out last week/month/year? I’m guilty too, but I do send a few, and when I do, folks LOVE getting them and they send me a note of thanks back. Send 1 or more this next week, and then make it a habit, or better yet, send one out every DAY and see what happens.

Share a cup of coffee or lunch –  Recently I had a 4 hour layover in Phoenix, and rather than just sit in the airport and be bored, I coordinated a cup of coffee and lunch with my dear friend Pam Thomas (see above picture). We had a great conversation, we deepened our friendship, I still caught my flight, and it didn’t hurt one bit You can do the same thing at work, in your city, or whereever you’re going.

Attend or Organize a Meetup – Send an e-mail, a tweet, or whatever, to some of your friends and connect with them live at a local coffee shop, bar or restaurant. It’s even more fun if you ask your friends to invite one friend so you can meet someone new.

Attend a book or poetry reading or open mic night – Your local bookshop probably brings in authors or has an open mic night. Support an author, meet someone new, and learn something new…all at the same time!

What’s YOUR favorite way to network offline?